Alice and Change

I remember being so excited last summer about the movie Alice in Wonderland coming out in March, and then being so sad when I realized that Elizabeth wouldn't be here to see it with me. Well, today was the day. BigJoel is snowmobiling in Alaska and due to scheduling conflicts, none of my friends were able to go with me; but HanK was sweet enough to let me tag along with she and her two friends. She even let me sit with her. As nice as that was, it just wasn't the same as seeing it with Elizabeth. I laughed out loud several times, but the three teenagers with me were either too cool or didn't get the humor. If Elizabeth had been here, I know she would have laughed even louder than me.

After the movie, I took the kids out to eat. Again, at least they let me sit at the table with them. At one point, HanK and Tiff went to the restroom leaving me alone with JamesBond (the third "friend"). Man, was that awkward! But as uncomfortable as it was for me, can you imagine what that poor kid was thinking? If Elizabeth had been here, I wouldn't have been stuck by myself trying to have a conversation with a 15 year old boy.

People keep asking me what I'm going to do without Elizabeth, and I usually just change the subject. I've tried to avoid thinking about a day like today. A day when something so small, like a movie premiere, would bring the realization that everything has changed. I have "prayed" Elizabeth back to Hometown more than once, but I know I cannot do that this time. Of the last two people that have held her job at the albergue, one came back with 5 kids and the other one found a husband and decided not to come back at all. She says it will only be a year, but I know that things are forever changed now. Maybe that's why this song, "Shine" by David Crowder, is stuck in my head.

After night, comes the light,

Dawn is here, dawn is here

Its a new day, its a new day

Everything will change

Things will never be the same.

We will never be the same.

We will never be the same.

We will never be the same.

Oh the glory of it all

Is You came here

For the rescue of us all

That we may live

For the glory of it all.

For the glory of it all.

That kind of puts things back into perspective. Change is a small price to pay for a rescued life lived for His glory. It can also be the greatest reward.

But I still wish Elizabeth could have been here for Alice in Wonderland...

Simply the Best--Day 29

Our church is reading through the Bible in chronological order this year. The BEST tool I've discovered online is YouVersion.com. It is a resource offered by lifechurch.tv. It shows me just what to read each day and tracks my progress. The thing I like the BEST is the parallel option. I can pull up the readings in two versions at the same time side-by-side. I personally enjoy the ESV (or Educated Standard Version as Joel calls it) and The Message. I read the assignments in both versions each day. I'm trying to decide if I can claim that I'm reading the Bible through twice this year.

Simply the Best--Day 5

Yesterday I talked about the bands I liked BEST last year, so today I'm going to share the BEST song that touched and challenged me the most.

How He Loves was originally written by John Mark MacMillan quite some time ago. Last year the David Crowder Band recorded it on their Church Music album. Such a powerful reminder of how our Savior loves us...

How He Loves

[Emphasis mine]

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us...

Oh how He loves.

You can listen and watch the video here. I highly recommend it.

The "Best" Beginning

The topic for this month's NaBloPoMo is "Best". The premise is to blog every day for a month about the theme. That's pretty ambitious for a slacker such as myself. I'm not sure I can post every day, much less, stick to the topic. But here goes...

I'm not one for making New Year's Resolutions, because I don't deal well with failure. But there are a few habits I'd like to form and a few changes I'd like to implement this year. More on that later...maybe. Anyway, our pastor has challenged our church to read the Bible through in chronological order this year. It won't be the first time I've aspired to do this, but maybe I'll at least make it through Leviticus. I've completed Day 1--Genesis 1-3. Only 364 days to go.

Now I've read the Creation and Fall stories a hundred times or more, but the thing that stuck out to me this morning was this verse:

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. --Genesis 1:31

Here's the thought that came to mind~God did His best. When He created the heavens and earth, He wasn't haphazard or lazy. When He created man, He didn't wait until the last minute before the assignment was due. As He laid out the universe, He didn't say, "I'll throw this together now because I can always come back and fix it later." No, He did His best...so that at the end of each day, He was able to look around as say, "This is good. This is very good."

So in facing this new year, my prayer is that I will give/do my best to honor Him so that at the end of each day I can say, "This is good." ~And maybe even hear Him say in response, "This is very good."

A Relative, a Friend, and a Dose of Sarcasm

This "Ticked Off Topic" post may be a bit out of place, what with everyone in the Christmas spirit and all, but its been simmering for a while on a back burner and today the pot boiled over.

A few months ago, my friend posted on her Facebook status that all three of her children had been sick with the flu. A "Relative" of hers commented "That is why I'm so thankful that my kids are in a Christian school where the principal prays over them every day." Really? So kids in Christian schools don't get the flu? Someone call the CDC! I wanted to reply to the "Relative" that my children are Salt and Light in the public school system and still remain freakishly healthy despite the fact that their principals probably don't pray over them. As a matter of fact, this is the first year our family has even taken the flu shot (and that was under duress); yet we have never had the flu and the girls have not missed one day of school due to illness this year. But I didn't want to sound condemning or judgmental by calling out the "Relative" for all of Facebook to see, so instead I just texted my friend with some snide remarks (which she totally appreciated, by the way, because she couldn't believe that someone would actually infer that her kids were sickly because they didn't attend Christian school.) And that's why she's my friend...but I digress.

More recently, I've listened in dumbstruck awe as people have proclaimed their outrage over the phrase "Happy Holidays". I understand the premise~the fear that if we stop saying "Merry Christmas" we will eventually forget the Reason for the Season. But must we really launch a vigilante campaign? I've heard local radio stations boast that they are "keeping Christ in Christmas" (as the intro to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" begins playing). And today, Joel shared with me a "Friend's" post on Facebook about how when a waitress told him "Happy Holidays", he withdrew her tip and said, "Merry Christmas". Ironically, he left out the part about how the waitress realized the error of her ways, recognized that Jesus loves her, and prayed to receive Christ right there in the Waffle House...Seriously? He withdrew her tip and identified himself as a Christian...beautiful. I'm sure Jesus did a celebratory fist pump over that point-well-made.

I apologize if I've been totally irreverent. It just escapes me how sometimes as Christians, we parade around with a banner of moral superiority and then shake our heads in disbelief when the World rejects our message. I just cannot believe that if Jesus physically walked among us today, He would only protect children in Christian schools and reprimand waitresses who unknowingly offended Him. I think the "Relative" and the "Friend" might be quite surprised by Jesus' reactions to their situations.

Of course, the "Sarcastic Blogger" would probably be surprised as well...

Once Again

Last Friday night**, the band played a show in Indiana. I talked to BigJoel about 12:40 a.m. It was an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, after show conversation: Loud background noise, distracted and cut short with, "I gotta finish up here. I'll call you when we get on the road."

So I went back to Facebooking and playing YippyIt! (which has replaced Bejeweled Blitz as my addiction of choice). At 1:20, Joel finally called back. Nothing strikes fear in your heart like when a loved one begins a sentence with, "I'm okay, we are all okay, but..." It is in those moments when an ordinary, run-of-the-mill routine would be welcomed because you instinctively know that your life has been changed forever in some way.

And it had. In the forty minutes since I'd last talked to him, everyone had boarded the bus. (In the summer, they travel "old school", one bus for both band and crew.) "Bus catering" had arrived and they pulled out of the venue headed for St. Louis. Then their ordinary, run-of-the-mill, after show routine was interrupted by tragedy as a car struck the front of the bus. The band and crew were all unharmed, but the passengers of the car were not. "It's bad," Joel said and then he had to go.

When Joel first started traveling with the band seven years ago, his safety was a *real concern* for me. Let's just be honest, a bus accident was my worst fear and I dwelt on it for some time before the Lord spoke to me. A few times in my life, I believe I have heard God speak almost audibly to me...and that was one of them. He said, "Denyse, I have promised to watch over him. Don't you trust Me? His days are in My hands, not yours." And after that, I never worried about his safety again...until last Friday.

When I heard Joel's voice on the phone and realized lives had been lost, the reality of it hit me like a sledgehammer. I could not breathe. I was paralyzed with fear. When I finally caught my breath, I couldn't stop crying. Once again, I found myself being forced to evaluate if what I say I believe and what I really believe are the same (very much like our mission trip to Peru last summer). Only this time, it involved the. most. precious person. in. my. life. I love my children dearly, but I love my husband fiercely.

And so, once again, I had to relinquish my "rights" over that which wasn't mine to control and concede that Joel's path, my path, all of our paths are determined by God. And, once again, I was reminded of one of my mother's favorite Scriptures: He will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast on Him (Isaiah 26:3) And so, while my heart aches for the families who lost loved ones, once again, I take comfort in knowing that God may not always be "safe", but He is always "good".



**The original date of this post was August 10.

Teens, TVs and Talents

I don't usually watch a lot of TV, but BigJoel just got home from a long trip. When he's here, the television pretty much stays on non-stop. Usually its either the Food Network or HGTV, but for some reason today, he landed on MTV. Then he fell asleep (Poor baby, it was a loooong tour.) So now I've spent the afternoon watching back-to-back episodes of Teen Cribs. I could have changed the channel, but that would mean I'd have to get up from my ComfyChair. I love my ComfyChair. (I don't get to sit in it, or even see it that often, because it is in the corner of my bedroom and is usually buried under pillows and clothes. But I cleaned my room today because Joel was coming home and I rediscovered the ComfyChair.)
But I digress...
Teen Cribs is a show where MTV travels around the country showing us the homes of spoiled little rich kids. These kids have more money in their piggy bank than we have in our bank account. I'm overwhelmed at the excess. One boy got a brand new BMW for his fifteenth birthday when he got his learner's permit. He also has a really nice truck. He's under 18 years old and his two cars cost more than my house. A twelve year old boy has three plasma screens in his room so he can play video games and watch TV at the same time. I feel guilty because we have five TVs and only four people in our family. There's just something not right about having more televisions than family members.
Now of course, we don't have that kind of money to spend, but I have to ask myself if we would live like that even if we could. These kids and their families may be very good, very generous, very well-grounded people, but I still can't imagine.
So if I had the money those people have, I hope I would be more responsible. I hope I would use it to fund micro-businesses in developing countries rather than to build a skate-park in my back yard. I'd like to think I'd sponsor 100+ Compassion kids rather than have a full-service nail salon in my basement. I pray that our walls would be covered in photographs of our family mission trips instead of autographed celebrity sports memorabilia.
I've always told God that I believe I could disprove that whole theory about it "being easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into heaven". Joel says if he won Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes, the first thing he'd do is quit his job. I tell him that's the wrong attitude to have, because God has called him to be a minister so he doesn't work for the money. Its about the ministry. Honestly though, if God would just see fit to bless us with ridiculous wealth, I think I could really do some good.
But then there's that parable of the servants left to care for the Masters' talents...and I wonder how I'm doing with that. Am I investing what I DO have wisely? or just burying what He's given me in my own desires while waiting for His return?
Hmmm, maybe that's why we haven't been blessed with ridiculous wealth...and all this time I was blaming Joel.

Would I Know?

Today a friend's Facebook status read, "[Denyse's Friend] wonders where she would have been in the crowd that day." And I have wondered that many times myself.
When I was teenager, our church produced an extravagant Passion play each year. It always struck me how we, the actors, went from the Triumphal Entry waving palm branches and singing "Hosanna", to an angry mob yelling "Crucify Him" within a time span of about 15 minutes. Surely people weren't that gullible. Surely people would have seen through the Sanhedrin's plot. Surely if I'd been there, I would have recognized Him. But I wonder...

Would I Know You Now
Music and Lyrics by Wayne Watson
Would I know You now if You walked into the room
If you stilled the crowd--If You light dispelled the gloom
And if I saw Your wounds--Touched Your thorn pierced brow
I wonder if I'd know You now
Would I know You now if You walked into this place
Would I cause You shame--Would my games be Your disgrace
Or would I worship You--Fall down upon my face
I wonder if I'd know You now
Or have the images I've painted
So distorted who You are
That even if the world was looking
They could not see You--The real You
Have I changed the true reflection
To fulfill my own design
Making You what I want
Not showing You forth divine
Would I miss You now if You left and closed the door
Would my flesh cry out "I don't need You anymore"
Or would I follow You--Seek to be restored
I wonder--I wonder
Will I ever learn
I wonder--Would I ever know You now

Would I know Him? Would I miss Him if He left? Where would I have been in the crowd that day 2000 years ago? Where am I in the crowd today?

I wonder...

I Could Never Imagine...

"What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8:4

One of the greatest joys of following Christ is when God allows you to be a part of something much bigger than yourself. Last night was a reminder of His lavish grace and extravagant love. I stood smack dab in the middle of the floor of the American Airlines Center in Dallas and watched as over 19,000 people sang and worshipped. It was the Rock & Worship Roadshow featuring Addison Road, Tenth Avenue North, Hawk Nelson, Jeremy Camp and MercyMe. I was overwhelmed at how the Lord uses such ordinary people to accomplish His extraordinary tasks. And I couldn't help but wonder why.

(image courtesy of mercyme.org)

We've had the privilege of watching MercyMe's ministry since its inception back in 1994. At that time, Big Joel was a youth minister and MM was playing the youth camp/DiscipleNow circuit. (Our ties go back even farther as we'd known Bart, the lead singer, since childhood.) I remember one day about 12 years ago when Joel brought home their latest indie CD called The Worship Project. He said, "There's one song in particular on here that could be really big..." We sat in the living room floor and I had cold chills as I listened to "I Can Only Imagine" for the very first time.

A few years later Imagine hit the charts, created a whirlwind of "success" and the band felt they wanted someone to keep them grounded and accountable. Unfortunately, there was no money for accountability, but they did need to hire someone to drive the bus. So Joel resigned his youth ministry position and became the bus driver/road pastor for the band. After just a few months and some restructuring, he stopped driving the bus and became their full-time road manager.

And so its been a unique experience...watching God work through a bunch of ordinary men (not just the six guys in the band, but Joel and other crew members as well).

Last night I was struck once again by the notion that you never know where the path will lead when you give your life to Christ's service. It may take you to an arena filled with thousands of people singing words to a song you wrote, or it may take you to South America to work with impoverished people and orphans, or it may take you to your own living room to watch the miracle of your daughter come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

But hopefully, wherever it takes me I will never lose the wonder and awe of someone like me being used by Someone like Him.

"...No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Corinthians 2:9

Weekly Pic--Just to See You Smile

This time next week I will be in Peru hugging on some little brown faces a lot like this one. We worked with this little guy last summer and he captured my heart. Just look at that smile...and those beautiful brown eyes! The thing about mission work is you go expecting to bless others and yet you wind up with the greater blessing. I may never see this little man again, but he has blessed me beyond measure.
So next week, when we walk through the gates of the Hogar de Esperanza orphanage, I will have every intent of being a blessing to the children and staff there. But I already know that God will place a special child or person in my path that will capture another piece of my heart...and I'll be blessed.

Viva la Insomnia

I can't sleep. I have Coldplay's Viva la Vida stuck in my head. I don't know why except maybe that it is serving as a soundtrack to the ka-jillion things swirling in my mind and weighing heavy on my heart. I started to list them out because sometimes blogging helps me make sense of things, but then it occurred to me that my sleeplessness would be better spent praying than blogging; waiting on the Lord instead of searching for clever or wise words; and listening for His voice rather than making my own voice heard.

Just Bee-cause...

Welcome SITS-tahs! I'm so excited you're here! Don't you just love Heather and Tiffany?! I've met some of the. nicest. people. thanks to them. I can't say enough about how much I appreciate all their hard work and what a blessing SITS has been to me.

***********************************

So you may be wondering, "what's with the bees?" When I was in college, my dad gave me a book by Mamie McCullough called "I Can, You Can Too". Looking back on it now, it seems corny, but at the time it changed my life. Ms. McCullough is an inspirational speaker that was affiliated with Zig Ziglar, the motivation mogul. The book is rife with clever quips about "stinkin' thinkin'" and your "hopeometer". Chapter 1 opens with the story of the bumblebee:

"Scientists have proven that it is aerodynamically impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Its body is too heavy, and its wings are too light. You've probably read about this phenomenon before. However, the bumblebee doesn't read--it just flies!"

I was fascinated by this. Now of course, there are spoilsports out there who refute this illustration saying that it is, obviously, possible for bumblebees to fly. Therefore, why would anyone say they couldn't? Especially a trained scientist in the field of aerodynamics. (These are probably the same people who delight in informing small children that it is logistically impossible for Santa to visit every household in the world on Christmas Eve.) Talk about your "stinkin' thinkin'"--Sheesh! They are missing the point, which is that the bumblebee doesn't focus on the negatives and is therefore able to accomplish things that might otherwise seem impossible.

I like this line of thinking. So that is why I used the bumblebee legend in my classroom to motivate students. That is why I named my jewelry business QuirkyBee Designs. And that is why my blog is entitled "To Bee or Not To Bee". Because in each of those areas, one must focus on the positive if they are to take flight and be successful--whether its a kindergarten student learning to read; someone with no training or artistic background creating jewelry; or a somewhat shy, very guarded person posting rambling literary rants for all the cyber-world to read.

I also like honeybees. Did you know that after a female honeybee stings something, she dies? Part of her is left behind. She is passive, unless provoked and then she is willing to sacrifice her life. That reminds me of Jesus. He gave His life to redeem us from our sin, left part of himself with us (the Holy Spirit) and replaced the sting of death with eternal life for those who believe.

And neither the honeybee, nor Jesus can be refuted by the party-pooper skeptics.

"As the truth of Christ is in me, this boasting of mine will not be silenced..."

2 Corinthians 11:10 (ESV)

Lesson Learned

BigJoel came in this morning and announced that he needed a break from all things inaugural. It was a beautiful day and we formulated a plan of action to take care of several errands that had been shelved for the past two weeks. It was nice to be feeling good, get out in the fresh air and feel a sense of purpose.

Mid-morning, we walked into Hometown Wireless Store to inquire about a problem that just recently developed with my cell phone. The store was relatively busy with several customers and only two employees. We weren't in any hurry, so we waited patiently. Already in progress when we arrived, was some sort of drama involving a young college-aged girl whose phone had malfunctioned for the third time in two weeks.

We weren't really paying much attention until she used the store's phone to call Customer Service, demanded to talk to a supervisor, then another supervisor, then another. At one point, she was trying to emphasize the severity of her dilemma and she said, "They said they fixed it and it worked for a while. But yesterday I was on my way home from Bible study and it just did it again." I shot a glance at Joel and saw him make the "ooo, ouch" grimace.

One our biggest pet peeves is when Christians misbehave in public. You know, the people who've obviously just come from church on Sunday and then give the waitress a hard time at the restaurant. Or the guy who cuts you off and flips you off in traffic but has the Christian fish emblem on his bumper. Joel says if you want to act like an @$$ that's your choice, but don't bring Jesus in with you. Miss Thang had thrown the Bible study card. *eyes rolling*

The situation was awkard. I felt myself physically turning my back to the girl. I just kept thinking, "Doesn't she know how bad she sounds? In the grand scheme of things, is a cell phone worth losing your witness over?"

Finally, our situation was resolved and we went on our way. When we got in the car, we let loose. The nerve! I knew immediately that I'd be blogging about Christians' responsibility to be above the fray when dealing with the world.

Time got away from me this evening, so I went to bed before posting. But as I lay there with my thoughts rolling around in my head thinking how I would cleverly use this situation to remind others everywhere to mind their manners, something happened. A Spirit of conviction came over me. Hard.
This is what the Lord said to me:

You were so quick to judge that girl. You condemned her for making Me look bad. Yet I put you there at that moment and gave you insight that you could have used to help her. But instead you looked the other way. You physically turned your back on her. As the only other woman in the room, you did nothing to encourage her, to help her see that those boys working there weren't heartless, they just didn't have a clue how to communicate with a girl in distress. That girl may or may not have been a believer. Going to Bible study doesn't make you a Christian...you know better than that. If she wasn't a believer, did she get a glimpse of Me in you today? If she was a believer, don't you remember my admonition for the older women to teach and encourage the younger ones? You've been asking for opportunities to share your faith, to be a witness in all you do. I gave you that opportunity and instead you sat smuggly by and thought to yourself, 'Lord, thank you that I am not like that.' I believe I spoke about people like you in My Gospels. I believe they are called Pharisees.

Ouch. I haven't come face to face with my sin like that in quite a long time. Evidently, its been long enough.

So the moral of the story is, "Christians, remember who you are and Whose Name you bear."

I hope you've learned your lesson.

I pray I have.

Supernatural

***Disclaimer: I like my blog posts to be like a TV sitcom. Clever and entertaining with the storyline neatly tied up at the end. I'm afraid this one is more like C-Span coverage. But I needed to do it for myself. And I certainly understand if you want to change the channel. I promise not to make it a habit.***

I've mentioned before that I'm not into New Year's Resolutions because of my near perfect record of breaking every single one I've ever made, but thanks to my recent *brush with death* I've been doing some soul searching and some things are just gonna have to change. They just must.

I'm in my pre-teen 30's (30+ 11, which is considered a pre-teen in my estimation). My mom was about this age when I was about Hallie's age. And to the best of my only-child recollection (read: totally unaware of anything that didn't have a direct impact on my immediate happiness), it was about this time in her life that she first began having health issues. She'd struggled with weight, and maybe some other things I didn't know about, but nothing terribly serious until her early-to-mid 40's when she was diagnosed with diabetes. And I remember the doctor saying, "Even if diabetes is well-controlled, it still takes a toll on your body over the years."

When I was thirteen, my mother had a triple-bypass. I was in the eighth grade, the age HannahKate is right now. It's sobering to remember how my life changed from assuming my mother would always be there to wondering if she'd see me graduate from high school.

Enough with the doom and gloom, though. I've come to the realization that I must take better care of myself and my family. I. simply. must. I'm so sick of hearing about "diet and exercise". Probably because I know its true, but it requires so many characteristics that I lack: discipline, willpower, and motivation just to name a few.

I wish I could say that I have a fast-track plan and the whole-hearted support and cooperation of my family. I wish I could say that its just a matter of making up my mind to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I wish I could say that I will not be discouraged by the whining, complaining and arguing voiced by my kids about what we will and will not eat. (I REALLY wish there wouldn't be any whining, complaining or arguing...but that's definitely pushing it.)

But I can't say any of those things. All I can do is bring this burden to the Lord and bathe it in prayer. I don't mean that to sound preachy, over dramatic or holier-than-thou. I mean that I understand that, short of His supernatural intervention, I am destined to fail.

One of my constant prayers for my church is that God would move in such a way that no person or persons could conceivably take credit. A move that can only be "explained" by the Holy Spirit...that even skeptics shake their heads in wonder. And I don't believe I'm exaggerating when I say that it will take this same kind of movement in my life and the lives of my family if we are going to defy heredity.

So I'm praying. Praying, praying, praying...

God Reads My Blog!

You may or may not have noticed/cared that I have a little gadget over on my sidebar called "Daily Snippets from the Word". Its free and I thought the Michelangelo-ish angels complemented my layout rather nicely.

Today when I opened my blog, this was the verse:

He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing.
Job 8:21

(It may or may not still be over there. It changes frequently...uh, probably daily...hence the name.)

Anyway, since my children have delighted in making fun of my inability to smile and slurred speech due to my temporary facial paralysis, this was truly a Divine Word of encouragement. So I may not have the largest readership on the blog-o-sphere, but apparently I have the attention of the One who matters most.

Family Ties--When Your Dad is Also Your Brother (in Christ)

Hallie and Jesus share the same birthday...sort of. Hallie's real birthday is in January and scholars don't honestly know the exact date of Jesus' birth. But December 25 is the day we celebrate His coming to earth as a baby. And in 2006, it became the day we celebrated Hallie coming to a saving knowledge of Him as her Savior. She made a public profession of faith on Christmas Day two years ago. A few days later, on January 7, 2007, Big Joel had the privilege of baptizing her. Now she's not only his daughter, but also his little sister in Christ. It was a special day...yes...a very special day.

No Place Like Home

Yesterday was a tough day for me. Yesterday was December 29. Yesterday marked fifteen years since my mother died. Even though my spiritual journey over the past 15 years has brought me peace and taught me acceptance for the most part; I still hate the reality that my mother is not here with me.

Yesterday was also a tough day for another family. Bro. Bobby Renfro, one of my former pastors, lost his battle with cancer but won the prize of a race well run. Bobby affected so many people in so many ways, that his presence will be strongly missed.

In the MercyMe song Homesick, Bart writes:

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home"

And so today, I am homesick. Homesick for a place I've never been, but I know I belong. I know I belong because my mother is waiting for me. But even more important, because the Father is waiting for me. And there's no place like Home.

Thankfulness--Day 30

Well, I made it. Thirty days of thankfulness. This has been a most interesting journey. Some days I couldn't wait to get to the computer to write and other days, honestly, I racked my brain right up until the last minute for a token gratitude. Somewhere about the middle of the month, we got so busy that we stopped writing down our blessings, but we still still made it a point to discuss them over dinner each night. So, how has Hallie progressed? Was this the antidote to cure her whining? Well, she is showing some improvement, but I'm not sure if it was due to this exercise or the fact that BigJoel promised her a hamster if she didn't whine between now and Christmas. (I don't think he believed she could actually pull it off and had absolutely no intention of getting her a hamster. But that's the thing about Hallie, she'll call your bluff when you least expect it.) Anyway, did she learn her lesson about being grateful? Its hard to say, but she taught me a tremendous truth. You see, we try to provide a good life for Hallie. She has a nice house, clothes to wear, toys to play with and food to eat. She has friends and family who love her. She doesn't get everything she asks for, but that's because we as parents know that not everything is beneficial for her, like say, a hamster. *ahem* We can see the big picture and despite what she believes, we really are smarter than we look. So it frustrates me to no end when she is ungrateful for all we do for her. Its maddening when she complains about wanting something I know full well will only bring disappointment or even danger. I'm saddened when she does not appreciate the sacrifices we make for her. Wait a minute... that sounds just like someone else I know...ugh, its me! My Heavenly Father has done so much for me, provided for me and even sacrificed His Only Son. Yet how many times do I whine about insignificant things? or bicker with my Christian brothers and sisters? or ask for things that really are not good for me in the long run? So is it possible that God gave me Hallie and her oh-so-unique personality to teach me about myself and the relationship He desires to have with me? I think it is not only possible, but probable.
For all of this and so very much more, I am exceedingly thankful...and humbled.

Thankfulness--Day 27

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. "
Psalm 100

For His enduring goodness, love, faithfulness and so much more, I am very thankful.

Thankfulness--Day 24

Today I am thankful for forgiveness. I read a story about how, after 42 years, the Vatican has decided to forgive John Lennon for his infamous "The Beatles are more famous than Jesus" remark. Seriously? It took 42 years to realize that this was merely a "boast" by a young man grappling with sudden fame? Not to mention the fact that Lennon has been dead for over 20 years...will his soul now rest in peace? Forty two years. A boastful remark. No wonder the world sees the church as hyper-critical hypocrites.

However, this story also reminded me of the attention garnered by Pope John Paul II in 1984 when he met with, and offered forgiveness to the man who had tried to assassinate him only a few short years before. It made the cover of Time Magazine and inspired a song by Steve Taylor (whom I LOVED as a teenager).

To Forgive

I saw a man
He was holding the hand
That had fired a gun at his heart
Oh, will we live to forgive?
I saw the eyes
And the look of surprise
As he left an indelible mark
Oh, will we live to forgive?
Come.......find release
Go...........make your peace
Follow his lead, Let the madness recede
When we shatter the cycle of pain
Oh, will we live to forgive
I saw a man With a hole in His hand
Who could offer the miracle cure
Oh, He said live
I forgive
Oh, He said live
To forgive

And I'm convicted. What kind of person am I? The kind that holds a grudge over a foolish mistake for 40 years? Or the kind that could hold the hand of a man who had fired a gun at my heart? I am so very grateful that Jesus was the latter. And because I've been forgiven, I live.

For this and so much more, I am very thankful.